when i thought it was safe i looked up at him- he appeared to be huge and looming, but i knew in standing life that he was not- i dont know what he was screaming- i remember seeing the anger in his cheeks and his forehead- his eyes were wide...maybe he was surprised that i looked at him.

i remember seeing the bottom of his sock- i remembered the sock being white, but the bottom of it was more of a gray brown- in that moment right before i turned my face to the cold floor- i remember thinking that i would have to change the cleaner i was using to mop because it was not doing its job..or maybe i wasnt doing mine??? it was all a little blurry. when that pain hit, i couldnt decipher which one of us wasnt doing the job.

i dont remember how long i lay there. i dont remember if i fell asleep or if i was knocked out. when it comes to the point i can remember again the taste of metal and salt was in my mouth- that taste of blood always somehow startles me. it doesnt look as if it should taste the way it does.

i did not move- i was in a comfortable hurting position where no one pain stood out more than the others, i was content with that. i wondered how it was i ended up in this comfortable hurt position.

i remembered when i was young and could speak loudly about the things that would (id be happy) and would not (my bf would never hit me)happen in my life and what would happen if the things i did not want to happen did (if a bf ever hit me, id leave his ass right after i hit him back).