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2004-07-21 | Trust Your Instincts by Splinter

I'm repeating part of former Diaryland author, Splinter's, entry because I think it needs to be linked on its own.

Here are a list of things I have learned since my attack. Some may be trivial, and some may be profound. And I know, in school and such places they pass around these handouts. But does anyone really read them? No. We all think -- it could never happen to me. Well, it happened to me regardless of me being in denial. So maybe, if you won't read the handout, you'll listen to somebody who's been through it.

1---Always, ALWAYS, trust your instincts. This is key. If you don't trust yourself, or your instincts, then you may be leading yourself into harm more often than not. If something doesn't feel right, then chances are it ISN'T right. So when something doesn't feel right, you should examine what's around you, and then do something about it. Who cares if it draws attention to you, or if it "looks stupid." Your safety is NUMBER ONE. Your pride is number two. This may seem extreme, but believe me, it's not as extreme as you think. In fact, some of you may already be practicing this instinctual rule. At night, do you walk where it is lit? Do you avoid dark alleyways and other places? Do you cross the street if you think a man is following you? Do you change seats if you're getting shifty eyes? Do you clutch your purse tightly? Do you carry anything that can be used as a weapon?(a pen, mace, letter opener, etc...)

2---Stranger rape is the lowest statistic of all rapes. It is. The highest is acquaintance, date rape, and rape by someone you know and trust. Wives get raped by their husbands all the time. Just because you're married, or just because you and your significant other profess your love for each other, does not mean that you can be forced into doing something you don't want to do. So don't think that it's only strangers you have to watch out for. I'm not trying to make anybody paranoid, and by all means, continue trusting the person you are with. Some people are just a little too trusting, and let their love cloud their judgement. I was raped by my then boyfriend. I thought we loved each other. I should have trusted my instincts and I should have figured out what was going on. I could have maybe prevented what happened to me. I'm not saying it's my fault. I know it's not. But it's a feeling that I will carry with me for a long time. It's been almost 8 years, and I still feel that it was partly my fault. So, just like mommy used to say "don't talk to strangers." You must also be aware of those you trust.

3---If you have been raped, please know, it is NOT your fault. I know some of you may think it is. Or some of you may be scoffing at this number 3. Tell yourself that nothing could have been done differently. It happened. It was bound to happen. And it's over. And it's not your fault. No matter what. No amount of revealing clothing, flirtatious glances, sashaying of the hips, heated kisses, or kind words brought this attack upon you. That's it. Case closed. NOT your fault. No matter what you say.

4---When I say be aware of your surroundings, I also mean be aware of your drinks. Seriously, roofies is very prevalent nowadays. So if a good lookin' person buys you a drink, perhaps you should abstain. Or if you leave it unattended, maybe you should buy another one. Seriously, would you rather be raped, or shell out an extra few bucks? And do I need to even tell you not to get in strange people's cars? Or go to their apartments? At least not without anything in your purse that could help you. And if you can, take self-defence courses. Why not? It'd get you in shape, AND help you in these fight or fright situations. And if you don't want to do that, at least learn very basic manoeuvres. I'm sure you've heard all of this before. But we all take our safety for granted. We do. We slip up, and don't do half of the things that we should, and ignore half of the things we should pay attention to. And most of all, we don't really trust ourselves as much as we should.

5---If you have been raped, talk to somebody. I made the mistake of keeping it inside of me for a long long time. And the few people I did talk to, didn't believe me, or ignored it completely. If you get knocked down by some bastard, talk to somebody else. Keep at it till you find somebody who will listen to you. Also, it's hard liking your body afterwards. It's hard enough liking your body in this day and age, I know. But don't damage your body even more because of this assault. Because if you continue to punish yourself, then the rapist has won. Do you want that bastard to win? No. I made this mistake as well. I ate myself into oblivion and put on a lot of weight because I thought if I did so then I wouldn't be attacked again. Because who would want to have sex with a fat ugly bitch? I was wrong. 1)I shouldn't have continued damaging my body. 2)I should have talked to SOMEbody. 3)Rape is not about sex. It's about power.

6---If you see somebody being raped, or looking like they're going to be attacked, don't just walk away scared. DO SOMETHING. Get help. I mean it. Because if you walk away, it will haunt you for the rest of your life. ESPECIALLY if you see in the paper the next morning how that person was killed, or worse. Some people think death is the worst thing that can happen. Hmm.


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