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2003-01-27 | About

I joined diaryland about a year ago when my fiancť was battling leukemia. I needed a way to work through a lot of the emotional stress from his illness and my own. I was hospitalized with a bleeding ulcer brought on by stress a month prior to starting my diary.

I eventually started writing about my own experiences with rape and abuse. It was the first time that I was able to write openly about it and share with others my experiences. I started four diary rings, raped, abused, rape-hide and abused-hide in the hopes of bringing together victims of both.

A couple months ago I was asked by a new member of one of my rings if I knew of any place where victims could share poetry and stories about their experiences. I had never heard of anything like that and encouraged her to start her own page since I was working and going to school at that time and didnít have time to start one myself. I offered to help but did not hear anything from her after that.

After that I began another diary where I posted my own poetry. That was also the first time I had shared a great deal of the poems I've posted on the site. It felt really good to be able to finally share a lot of the emotions I had pent up inside for so many years. I began to understand the importance of sharing my feelings and experiences. It brought on a great feeling of catharsis and relief.

But it wasnít enough.

And then I remembered what one of my ring members asked me. It started to eat at me bit by bit and I tried to ignore it. I didnít want to take on the responsibility of running an open diary. But I couldnít shake the feeling that it was something that needed to be done. So I set a goal. I left notes for all the people in both my rings and asked if they'd be interested in contributing. I told myself that I wouldnít invest my time or effort into it unless I had at least thirty responses.

I did not get thirty responses.

I felt relieved at the idea that I did not reach the goal and that I would not have to spend so much time designing a layout and creating this place I've created. But some of the responses were really enthusiastic and I felt bad about letting down the people who really liked the idea. So one day while I was walking in a park with my other half I made the decision to go ahead and do it.

One of two things could happen. It could totally flop and I'd have wasted about five or six days or it could take off and help a lot of people open up and share their experiences. I'm really hoping for the latter of the two. I'd like to think that this site will help victims of rape or abuse realize they are not alone and hopefully get them to a place where sharing their fears isn't so scary.

In the links section I have posted links to organizations that help victims of rape and abuse. I hope that anyone who reads this will go there and find the help they need. I battled a lot alone for a long time and didnít truly begin to heal until I was able to share my experiences with people who cared. It's hard to be alone, and it's hard to fight alone. But it is a battle that can be won if we do it together.

I've had to face a lot of my own insecurities when I decided to do this. I've always been a very private person and have always been very selective about what information I share with who. But I know that it could help a lot of people and that is what made me decide to do this.

I really hope that you contribute and spread the word that this place exists. I'd hate to see it die off when I know the amount of good it can do.

Donít ever be afraid to speak out. Words are powerful weapons.

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Last 5 Updates:
- 2008-06-27
Relating To A Postcard - 2008-06-26
Sexual/Assault - 2008-04-04
so easy.. - 2007-03-20
here - 2006-10-14