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The worst thing in the world to feel, or the worst position to be put in, is vulnerability. We admire the strong, we idolize heroes, be fantasize about doing heroic acts when put in dangerous situations. I use to think that if I was up against some guy that wanted to do as he pleased with me, that I'd come out as Wonder Woman. I'd always imagine some sort of action sequence straight out of a movie, and I'd come out the winner, be on talk shows where they ask how I got away, then after my tale of danger and bravery, I'd get an applause, I'd be respected, and my friends and family would be proud of me.
I get put in a situation where I feel powerless, and my friends tell me that I let it happen, like I chose to get raped, and that he's the one who was powerless. How am I suppose to deal with that by myself? I feel that everytime they look at me, they see a wimp, a weakling, a vulnerable person, and I'm suppose to do something about it.
He gets to go on with his life, and I carry this guilt with me, as if it's my fault. The day I get over this, is when I truly believe it wasn't my fault, but deep inside, I do, because the Wonder Woman in me failed. I got no support saying that I didn't deserve it, all I got was shame and finger pointing, followed by gossip and disrespect. There will always be moments in life where you win and lose battles, but nobody forgives you when you lose something like this, and that's where my guilt comes from.
- 2008-06-27
Relating To A Postcard - 2008-06-26
Sexual/Assault - 2008-04-04
so easy.. - 2007-03-20
here - 2006-10-14
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