Where ever I am, what ever im doing he�s there, over me, watching me.

The memories of him climbing over my 7yr old body, breathing over my unkissed mouth, touching me where I hadn�t been touched before. I tried to pretend I was asleep, but it would only make him worse. He would sit staring at my body for hours thinking I was asleep. Then slowly he would say �please forgive me� and slowly, gently place himself under my quilt next to me. Why did he do it?

Then he would slowly rub his hands on me and move himself down to my feet. Kissing me in places that aren�t ment to be kissed at 7.

Did I enjoy the feeling that he loved me? Did I enjoy the fact that he had choosen me out of everyone? Did that mean I was special? Perhaps I did, and that�s why I didn�t say, perhaps I did something for him to want to do that? Did I give the impression I wanted it?

Forcing himself inside me I felt torn apart. I wanted to scream, scream of pain, hurt and confusion. My I couldn�t my throat went dry. I couldn�t even say �stop�. Tears started running down my face from the pain, I started to breathe heavy, so he stopped and looked at me. He said �just once more� and sat me up then sat me on top of his lap and started playing with me. I remember his cold hands going inside of me. I tried to move but I felt stiff. I kicked him so he pushed my back onto the bed and held me there. I was scared was he was going to do, he said �sorry, but u deserve it� and pushed himself on top of me again and placed himself in me again. I just wanted to sleep. I asked him to �please stop please� and then he said � for now� and walked of.

Why did he choose me?

I want answers. But will I ever get them?