I was 5 when it started and I did not know any better. My Mom was married to my then father at the time and he did not give a shit about me at all. I was roaming Beacon St. in Somerville Ma. at this age and I guess back then it was ok. They would send me to the grocery store to by Virginia Slim Cigerettes for a dollar ten at the time. I could have gone around the block, by that was the long way to the store. Sometimes I would get to the grocery store and the did not have the cigs my Mom wanted, so I would go to the liquor store to buy them. My then father at the time was good friends with this guy and he knew what was going on...the sicko.

I would come in and he would grab me then he would start rubbing my pussy like it was a cat or something right out in the open. This would happen a lot. Then it started to get worse because he told me he knew my parents and he would hurt them if I said anything. Then because he thought it was ok he started to penetrate me out in the back store room. Then one day he decided to have his friends join in and I had 4 guys hold me down while him and yep you guessed it my father...my own father, started to penetrate me. This also happened to be the day where my Mom finally got sick and tired of being physically abused my him and my father took a butter knife to her throat and cut her pretty good. He threw me across the house and I smashed into the iron radiator and hid under the kitchen sink for 2 days. The last memory I have of my so called father is my grandmother taking a shotgun to his face and telling him to get out...thats when I hid.

I didn't tell my Mom anything until about 10 years ago or so. I am now a 30 year old woman. I have a younger brother and when I told my Mom what had happened she started to get really overprotected toward my brother, and to this day I ask myself why didn't she protect me that way. I have to tell myself it's because of a lot of things. She didn't know, she didn't want to know, it was a different time back then, she was to drunk or drugged up to notice and the most important thing is: BECAUSE I DIDN'T TELL HER!!!!!

So growing up I thought I was damaged goods, no one would want me. I lashed out the only way I knew how, I hated school and I made this known. I got sent to 3 different Child Physiologists and I never opened myself up to anyone about it. Then one day when I was 18 or 19 my Mom came out and asked me if I had ever been molested in any way, well for a long time my Mom and I were not close, but that day was different and I told her everything from begining to end. I don't know why? I guess it was time to let it all out. Everything that had happened to me just spilled out like a dam breaking. I wish I could take it back because I don't think that anything I had ever said to her hurt her as much as what just came out of my mouth.

I have since moved on in my life. Made a lot of mistakes and paid for them just the same. It has taken me this long to be me. I do still think about it sometimes but I can't let it control my life or I would not have ever had one.

Well that's my story and I know for anyone this has happened to, it's not an easy thing to go through but take it from someone who has been there, go on with your life, because if you let that person consume you, then that person has won!!!!!!