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2003-11-02 | I had a bit of a nightmare last night.

I was surrounded by my younger brother and his high school friends. I was suddenly thrown up against a wall while one of them was gripping my left arm. The back of my head bounced of the wall behind me, he parted my legs with his knee while everyone else just looked on, waiting for him to go further. I instinctively pushed him away and my elbow was bouncing off of his face as his head connected with the wall behind him. I was angry, but the crowd was disappointed. I beat him up, bouncing his head off the wall like a basketball. When I awoke, the snippet of the dream stuck on replay: where he parted my legs. A part of me inside felt ripped open at that moment and in my awakened state, imagined beating him up some more. I'll always be aware of that ripped opened part of me, and almost every sensation tickles and aggravates it. I want it to be numb, but the more I do so, the more sensitive it gets.

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