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2003-04-23 | My 4 Dollar Badge.


About a year ago, I was at a novelty store and saw a special police badge for 4 bucks, sending a reflective glint at me. I quickly bought it and pinned it on, not thinking much of it.

I was at a store, and this guy who was separated by another person in the line-up, hid behind them, eye-balling me and my special police badge.

HA!

Everywhere I go, perfect strangers would ask if it's real. I use to tell them no, thinking that if it were real, I'd have a uniform to go with it, but if I was undercover, I wouldn't be wearing a police badge out in public. Now, when a man asks I say, "Maybe". Who'd have thought that a cheap 4 dollar badge would make me feel safe? My friends were ignorant and judgemental about how I felt about it all, my mom doesn't know what to say, except, "Well, just don't think about it", but a symbol of faux-authority seems to scare people away. When I finally told the cops my trauma, they explained that I was doing the right thing: they were the only ones that understood that I was an open wound, vulnerable to everyone's salty words. The suspicious detectives though, only rubbed in the salt. So, I privately chuckle when I strike fear or paranoia into someone, feeling less vulnerable about some asshole feeling the need to unload himself upon me, then deluding himself into thinking I liked it, when my feelings didn't matter at all. Yeah, my badge makes me laugh.

chuffnutt

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