I'm not surprised.

I'm always wondering how many of my friends this has happened to.

I'm also wondering how many of my male friends have done this to someone?

I had a male friend confess to me that his uncle raped him when he was 12. I could tell it took a lot for him to say it out loud, but we've never talked about it.

All I can say is, not matter how long ago it happened, I still get triggered by it.

I'll never get over it.

I'm not saying this because I don't want to, because I want it to go away and out of my body, but the fact that it keeps happening to many other victims and people's opinions keep on soiling the internet with blame and that that rapist has gotten away with it, that still gets to me.

Not a day goes by where I don't think of taking a baseball bat to the back of his head, or that I'd pick him up and toss him out a very high building out the window.

I will forever carry that trauma with me until the day I die.

He will forever believe that I wanted it, liked it and consented to it.

Our friends and neighbours will forever believe that he's a decent person and a good friend, no matter what I say.

It's something I've survived and will carry with me.

I didn't take my life for it, for it would have only given him more pleasure.

I wished I had a disease to give him so that he would have at least regretted that.

No amount of weed could have killed that part of me.

No amount of Zoloft could have made me forget it happened.

No amount of therapy that momentarily relieved me of it could have cured me from that incident.

No amount of explanation from me could have made others understand what I went through.

No amount of testimony could have made the law understand that he doesn't deserve the title, Decent Guy, Good Friend.