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2004-10-17 | back where i was

I had to write in here. I had to vent. Yesterday my dad got drunk and was in a rage when he got home. He grabbed my arm and I froze with fear. Just that small grab of my arm and BAM I was right back in my younger head, my younger body, my breathing quick and heavy, my whole body shaking inside, waiting for him to strike at me. Would it be the palm of his hand, his fist, or would it be words, looks.... that look of pure hatred for me and all that I was and had been.... He didnt hit me last night, but he made me so angry that I flew out of the door to the pub, and I damaged myself with drink. Drink, drink, drink.... anaesthetise myself with vodka.... I came home in the early hours, and once again gave in to the voices in my veins, telling me to self-injure.

As well as this, it is the first anniversary of my most recent assault coming up on November 2nd. I am so, so scared. I have been doing so well and I just pray that it wont break me again. All I can do is hope and pray.

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Last 5 Updates:
- 2008-06-27
Relating To A Postcard - 2008-06-26
Sexual/Assault - 2008-04-04
so easy.. - 2007-03-20
here - 2006-10-14