I

TRUSTED

YOU

You betrayed me.

I drank with you that night. But I drank with you numberous times before. I drank a beer that you gave me. But I've done that numerous times before. You only had some of it. Now I wonder, was there something in that beer?

We were in your room watching tv, but I can barely remember that. I said I was really tired and felt a little drunk, but that I didn't drink much. You told me you'd take care of me. What did I ever do to you?? Why did you do it? Why did you say that you didn't? WHY?!

WHY?!

I didn't even know what was going on until it was too late. I can feel your hands. I still can. The hands that once rubbed my back when you hugged me. They are so grimey now. I can feel your breath on me. Whenever I go to sleep. I feel you. On top of me. Inside of me.

I wanted to scream stop, but I couldn't get any words out. I couldn't push you off. I had no strength. My arms were so heavy. When you were done. You got up. I just layed there. I don't know where the strength came from but I made it back to my room before you got back from the bathroom. I cried.

I cried

and cried

and cried.

I still cry. Because I can remember. I can still feel you. I can still see you. I can still smell you.

You said nothing happened when I asked you later what happened, just to see what you would say. Give you a second chance. I didn't want to turn my back on you. Eventhough you used me. You said nothing happened. I can't believe you said nothing happened.

There was blood.

I was a virgin.

You were my first.

Your rape was my first.

I'm so confused now. I can't conventrate and my grades are slipping. It's been 6 months and I thought I was over it, but I was lying to myself. It happens over and over almost every night now. I can't sleep. I can't do anything without you there. It haunts me. and I hate you.

I

HATE