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2003-08-17 | Dear Jamie


Dear Jamie,

You were my everything once. I loved you,I breathed you, I worshipped you. My mother was still beating me up, and all I wanted, all I NEEDED, was love. I just wanted love, affection, care, all of that. And, for a while, I did get that from you.

But it all changed in a split second. You slapped me across the face because you were jealous of a friendship I had with another guy. I was in so much shock, Jamie. In my confused, ashamed, beaten eyes, you were perfect. You could do no wrong. And, because of the image I had of you, I let it go. I made myself brush it aside.

It all went down hill from there. You beat me up. You beat the living SHIT out of me every time you were angry, whether it be at me or someone else. You tried to murder me. And you raped me twice. In December of 2002, you came into my room through an open window; no one was home. You raped me while the song "A Moment Like This" by Kelly Clarkson was playing. I screamed as you came towards me with an evil look on your face, your eyes burning forever into my mind. I tried to get up to run, but you jumped on to the bed and slammed my head against the back board. You tore my clothes off, Jamie. You ripped into me like a cat would rip into a mouse. You pushed into me with all the anger in you and it HURT, Jamie! It hurt so fucking bad! Tears were running down my face and you still didn't care! You still kept on! And blood was all over. And then, you just LEFT. You just pulled up your pants and LEFT me lying there, bleeding and crying, in shock. I was covered in bruises. You hurt me so bad that I could barely walk, Jamie! I had to be in a wheelchair because of you, you sick fuck! I don't even know what else to say to you! I'm so ANGRY!

And then, I was so mixed up and crazy and confused that I tried to kill myself a month later. I ended up in the psychiatric ward. And then, I was raped by a doctor EVERY FUCKING NIGHT I WAS THERE. And when I got out, Jamie, I found out I was PREGNANT. Yes, pregnant. By that doctor. You were sent away, and still you found out. Your friends had their ways, Jamie. You started calling me and harassing me, and your friends did the same. AND THEN YOU CAME BACK IN JUNE!!! YOU BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF ME WHILE I WAS PREGNANT!!!!! You burned my body with cigarettes, you stabbed me in the face and I had to get stitches, Jamie!!! I had to get stitches in my leg, too! And in my arm!!! ALL BECAUSE OF YOU!!!!! And then, you RAPED me again! And all I was thinking about the entire time was, "I have to save my daughter." So, I let you do whatever you wanted because of the love I had for her.

Then, the night after, you shot yourself in the head and died. You took the easy way out, you fucking coward.

AND THEN, one of your friends payed me a visit! He thought that it was my fault you had committed suicide! And he hurt me, Jamie! He almost cracked my cheek bone! AND HE RAPED ME TOO! EVEN THOUGH YOU'RE GONE, YOU'RE STILL HERE!!!

AND THEN YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED? My baby died, Jamie. She was born prematurely and DIED.

I hate your fucking guts, Jamie. There aren't even words to describe the hate I have for you. You took my virginity, something I was SAVING. You took everything from me, Jamie. And for that, I can never forgive you. May you rot in Hell in misery and agony.

Signed,

Me

href="http://sorry-excuse.diaryland.com">My Diary

href="http://community.webtv.net/little_bruised_angel/TwistedLove">My Abuse Website

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Last 5 Updates:
- 2008-06-27
Relating To A Postcard - 2008-06-26
Sexual/Assault - 2008-04-04
so easy.. - 2007-03-20
here - 2006-10-14