I still remember. Don't think I'll ever forget. In fact, I think it's impossible for me to ever forget.

Mum went out to the shops. She asked you, our "friendly" next door neighbour to come in and look after me.. I was 8 years old, innocently playing with my Barbie dolls. You made me take off my clothes. You told me it was our secret, and that I would hurt people if I told anyone. You told me I was special. I believed you.

I stood there. Naked. You got out your video recorder, and made me do different poses. I felt so uncomfortable, but so afraid. Nothing like this had ever happened to me before. Although I felt special, I also thought it was wrong. I felt dirty. Still do.

You began to kiss me. Your hands moved all over my body. Touching me in intimate places. Then you made me do the same to you. Suddenly, the door slammed shut. Mum was home. You put on your clothes and I got myself dressed. To this day, I can still see you smiling and laughing with my mother, after what you'd just done to me.

I felt so dirty. I ran a bath and stayed in there for hours. Eight years old, yet I felt like I was an adult. Mum usually ran my baths for me.

Finally, you went home. Scared to leave Mum's side for the next few days..

One night, lying in bed, I heard you come round to help Mum do some D.I.Y. I felt so scared. I started shaking and just hid under the covers. Mum loved you 'cos she thought you were so good with me... I didn't want to break her heart. You swore me to secrecy anyway. There's no way I could've told her. You crept into my room, and whispered "goodnight". I was so relieved..

But then. You came to my house again. I was afraid, but not THAT afraid. I sat on your knee, and we watched TV together. You took me upstairs, and raped me. I can still feel the pain, physical and emotional. You told me it was a "goodbye present" as you were moving house. Thank God... it was over finally.

.....................................................

When I was nine, Mum got a new boyfriend. And the same thing happened. He used to sexually abuse me at EVERY opportunity he got.. I can't write anymore. It's too hard.

All I can say is thank God it's over.