oh lord, it's so hard. Although the abuse has now stopped, there isn't one day that goes by when I don't think about it. I still blame myself... I believe I was old enough to have told him where to go. But I didn't. I let him do it to me. He used to threaten me and pay me to keep the secret safe. He used my body.. HE USED MY BODY AND I LET HIM.

Lying on his DEAD wife's bed he came on top of me and abused me. Time and time again. I was 11 years old. I feel so ashamed, so dirty, so disgusting. I hate myself. I don't hate him, 'cos it was my fault...